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31, Indian, & Very Single

07/03/2016 6 comments
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31, Indian, & very single

 

Disclaimer: This post is not an invite for potential suitor applications. Keep. It. Moving. 

 

Well… it’s wedding season, and at every single wedding I have the pleasure of attending, Indian aunties and uncles, alike, make sure to greet me with the, *insert Indian accent & head bob* “How are you, beta? (Indian for honey) So, vhat are you doing now? So, vhen is your turn? You are next, right?” 😐

When you’re an Indian woman, and you’re 31, and you’re very single, something is very wrong. In the eyes of others, anyway. Life is just peachy keen, if you ask me. No man. No drama. Mo money. No problems. Until the next time I log on to Facebook anyway, and see engagement, wedding, pregnancy, baby shower, and birth announcements. Then it’s back to, “When ME, God??!” all over again.

99.9% of my Indian friends that are my age are at the very least, engaged, if not married, and almost all have kids. Period, point blank. Indian parents are not for the bullshit and they play no games, ok? Everything is pretty systematic and has already been figured out way before you were even a thought. Once the child has graduated from college and from medical school, the parents marry them off typically before residency begins. After residency ends, the couple can go ahead and start a family together, and it’s “happily ever after.” More like miserably ever after, if you ask me. You can’t possibly tell me that all of these Indian people in the medical profession have a true, honest, genuine passion for that field. Some? Ok, sure. All? Lies! Let’s be real here and call it like it is. If you changed your major in college to something that you were actually passionate about, your Indian parents would’ve cut you off. *insert Indian accent* “Ve did not come to America so you can be actress, ok?” … “Ve did not come to America so you can be music producer, ok?” If you dare brought home a non-Indian boy, your parents would’ve for damn sure cut you off. Especially daddy, cuz daddy isn’t for the bullshit. *insert Indian accent* “Ve did not come to America so you can bring home a gorro, ok?” (Gorro is Indian slang for a white person.) … “Ve did not come to America so you can bring home a kallu, ok?” (Kallu is Indian slang for the ‘n’ word.) To have Indian parents who truly support you, your vision, your dreams, and who you choose to love is so rare and such a precious gift. Well, what do you do when you grew up without a daddy? Or when you’ve never so much as even been attracted to an Indian boy? And what do you do when you grew up in inner-city Chicago and many of your friends are… well, kallus?

 

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50+ medals as a former City Champ & State Qualifier (Cross Country and Track & Field: 4×8, 800m, 1600m, 3200m, & 4×4)

 

For me, when I went away to college at 17, I had zero clue what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I played it safe and majored in Business Administration at Michigan State University, while being a student-athlete. An Indian girl that’s a student-athlete is a) absolutely unheard of because b) Indian people aren’t good at sports because c) their parents didn’t let them play, because d) education is #1 and e) education is #1. After growing into myself a bit more and learning what my strengths truly were, I changed my major to Communications/Mass Media with a minor in Public Relations. I remember calling my mom and very nonchalantly informing her that I changed my major. I had it all figured out! Mom is not paying for any of my tuition. All of my student loans are under my name so what say-so does mom really have? I’m not under her roof anymore. I’m a grown up. I call the shots!! Maaaan… when I tell you my mom went from 0 to 100 quicker than real quick?! If she could’ve driven up to Michigan State from Chicago, she would have, just to beat my ass, turn around, and drive back home. *insert Indian accent* “Vho do you think you are?” … “Vhat are you going to do with a degree in Communications?” … “Vhat type of jobs even exist in that field?” … “Vhat is Communications??” … “You are majoring in Communications and you can’t even communicate to me you want to change your major?”… “Medicine is the surefire route.” … “Go to school, major in a good major, beta, get good job with full insurance benefits, 401K, retirement plan, and you retire from that company in 30 years. Security and stability, beta.” 😐 Blank stare.

That summer, KanYe dropped his debut album, “College Dropout” and clear as day, Track 4, he says, “That major that she majored in don’t make no money, but she won’t drop out, her parents will look at her funny. Now tell me that ain’t insecure, the concept of college seems so secure, sophomore three years, ain’t picked a career…” Yeezy was clearly talking about me! HOW, SWAY??

Fast forward to 31, a couple relationships that went nowhere, about 50 weddings as a guest under my belt, a handful as a bridesmaid, and none as a bride. I can’t help but to feel like I’m at a standstill as I’m watching all these wonderful things happen to all these wonderful people all around me. How can you not feel that way?! And so I stay prayed up. Scripture after scripture tells me to be patient, to be loving, to be kind, to trust in the Lord with all of my heart and understanding, and that he who winds a wife finds a good thing, and to ask, to search, to knock, to pray, to believe, and you shall receive. Sermon after sermon, Joyce Meyer tells me to not compare my life to anyone else’s, and that comparison is the thief of joy. To wait on God’s perfect timing. Listen, I will never question my faith, but I’ve totally questioned God’s time. I’ve always known that what we humans consider to be a thousand years is but a mere millisecond in God’s eyes. I’m just not trying to be unmarried my entire time on earth, nor am I trying to have Him open up my womb at 86, ok?

 

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Mom & I (2010)

 

I’ll tell you why it seems like I’m “all of a sudden” starting to have a panic attack about this whole marriage/starting a family thing. My mom got married later in life. She had me in her late 30’s and my brother in her early 40’s. a) That’s a health hazard in & of itself – I’m straight – and b) I see the strain the age gap, the generation gap, and the cultural gap between us has put on our relationship, and I don’t want to have that type of a relationship with my one-day children. God willing, my mom will be celebrating a huge milestone birthday in a few months – her 70th birthday! Her health has not been the best for the past 3 decades. She complains that she can barely lift a gallon of milk. I immediately fire back with, “If you can’t lift a gallon of milk, how are you going to be able to carry your newborn grandchild?!” More than anything, our age difference hurts me most, and it makes me so angry and frustrated because we do not understand each other. The last thing I want is for my one-day children to feel this exact same way towards me, and I totally feel like I’m headed down the same path. “The worst distance between two people is misunderstanding.”

Honestly, my ‘biological clock’ has never ticked and I was never the girl that had her wedding all figured out… until the day I turned 30. Literally, when the clock struck midnight on my 30th birthday, it’s like this thing went off inside my body. I’ll walk you through the voices in my head. “Omg, 30. Ok, so if I were to get proposed to right now, tonight, we’ll be engaged for a year, married for about 3-4 years while we enjoy each other, I get knocked up and be pregnant for basically another year… cool, so that’s 6 years from when I’m proposed to that I’ll have a kid, except that I’m not dating anyone and have no potential man in sight!” Before I know it, I’m 40 in my head, pushing 50, and am literally on the verge of giving myself a panic and anxiety attack! I have to reel myself back in to this very moment and rest in the fact that all things happen in God’s perfect timing and not mine! Who am I to make these plans? What a slap in the face to God that is! 

I don’t have it all figured out. I feel like I’m out here winging it. It’s scary. It’s beyond scary to not know what’s next! I’m also learning that neither does anyone else. We’re all trying to figure it out as we go through life. I may not have it all figured out, but I’ll tell you exactly what I do have figured out: Who I am and Whose I am. There’s no better feeling in the world than being authentically true to you. I know for a fact God has my back. I know for a fact He has a mate for me since before I was even conceived in my mother’s womb. I know I’m not going to all of a sudden pop up with some “decent Indian boy” just to say “I’m married” and make my mom and my family happy, just so they can end up passing on and I’m stuck with this man that I’m not genuinely head over heels in love with for the rest of my life! Sorry, not happening. Forever is a very long time and eternity is even longer, and I want to be so sure that I love you with every ounce of my being. Not… “ok, this was a good idea when we were in our 20’s, but we’ve grown apart since then but we’re going to stay together for the kids.” That is not a healthy relationship, nor is it genuine. I’m open to whoever. All of these beautiful ethnicities and cultures in this world and I should narrow it down to one? Not happening. If my future husband happens to be Indian, cool. If not, we already saw that coming and mom’s just going to have to deal with it.

A family friend recently said to me, “You better thank your lucky stars that you are in America, because if you were in India, babydoll, you would’ve been married off by 21 and you would’ve had no say-so, whatsoever! Those words ring loud and clear in my head to this day. I thank God my mom took the leap of faith and moved to America. She moved to a country where we can actually date and figure things out before we sign our name on the dotted line and are stuck with someone before really finding out their flaws, their issues, etc. I especially can’t imagine myself with my strong personality type being married off to some joker whom I can’t even stand the sight of, trying to get snappy with him and cuss him out! Him and his family would’ve been poured gasoline on me and lit me on fire. No joke.  It makes me wonder how many women were forced to put a crown on a clown and call them a king. Millions! Hundreds of millions! There are over 1.3 BILLION PEOPLE in India! One sixth of the world’s population lives in India alone! I am so beyond grateful that I live in a country where I can make my own decisions, and with that being said, I would be doing myself a major injustice by settling for a random person just for the sake of “being married.” Getting a ring is never the problem; it’s getting the ring from the One that God has made for me.

I will totally admit that sometimes, I get so caught up in the milestones of others that I begin to feel unaccomplished, or that the things I have done and am doing now hold no weight. Why? Because I’m not married or I’m not a mother yet? Who cares? When it’s time, it will happen. Until then, it helps to remind myself just who I really am and how far I’ve really come! I’ve done some pretty amazing things in my lifetime. I had my own radio show at 19 that reached over a million listeners! I landed a dope internship at BET Networks in the Public Relations/Corporate Communications department. I stay traveling. I stay booked for work. I’ve been on the road for the past 6 years, living out of suitcases, airports, fancy hotels, and convention centers. When I quit my corporate job at 25, I prayed that God would present me with something that involved lots of travel. I started traveling across the country with the International Auto Show Circuit and I’ve loved it. It’s allowed me to become so much more well-traveled, I’ve matured in so many areas, and now, I feel like it’s a blessing that I have outgrown. I’m just ready for the next blessing and the next phase of my life! I’m working on some pretty amazing things that I cannot yet share, but stay tuned. Some people have to see it in order to believe it but I truly believe you have to believe it in order to see it.

So, for all my fellow ladies & gents that feel the way I do, all I can really say is we literally have to take it one day at a time and trust and rest in God’s perfect timing. He has our perfect match which He hand-picked for us and will present to us when He sees it fit. Until then, keep living your life.

 

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Jetsettin’ to a city near you…

 

 

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Categories: God, Thoughts